Obligation

Well, it was SO good to be back at work today after surviving marathon family time over Thanksgiving week.
The babies were beyond happy to see me...it was pretty cute...a girl will never know love like that of a little man who pees and poops on you and absolutely squeals in delight at the mere sight of you! haha, seriously, it makes me heart swell!

But along with being away from work comes marathon catch up time. I had to attempt to squeeze everything I do on the weekends over a two day period into one and came pretty damn close...I got all the sheets changed, and literally did a million loads of laundry. When I started, I was standing in a laundry mountain in their laundry room. The dad walked in and shuttered at the sight of it and just shook his head, ha.
But I didn't get it ALL done, so sorry to Sharon for having to finish it up tomorrow! But I really tried! haha

And then there was all the other cleaning along with giving the boys much needed "Heather time." They were both very clingy today, especially E.

Well my boss gave me my pick between one of her old Prada bags or a Michael Kors bag. Apparently it's a really big deal...but meh. The materialism and name brand stuff just doesn't matter to me.
I chose the Michael Kors bag because it was cuter than the Prada one, but honestly, it's just not my style. However, I'll have to carry it for a little while to show my appreciation becaue it would be rude not to.
*sigh* oh Obligation, you're a mean bitch.
heh.

What do you have to say??

Oh look at that little ANGEL! ha, that is my 4 lb maltese, Izzy (Isabella) and since we're out of town for Thanksgiving, she is currently in the dog kennel...hopefully having the time of her little doggy life.

She's never stayed in a dog kennel before, nor is she use to other dogs...so I'm guessing she's freaking out right about now.

For some reason, when I think about it, I picture the scene from "Lady in the Tramp" where Lady is put into a dog pound after leading a pampered little doggy life and has no idea what is going on, or what it is about. And then, the other "street smart" dogs who have been around the block talk to her and tell her "how it all works."

I wonder if that is going on with Izzy?! Well hopefully, when I get her back, she won't be TOO gangsta. Thug dog. She's a tough girl.
:-p

ps.- I want to go home. i.e.- my apartment!

So I'm going out of town with my family for Thanksgiving...an extended family I don't really know and have seen a handful of times over the years. Yet, they all know about "my history."

They all know that I'm now recovered and doing well, but the sick part of me is throwing a bitch fit! she's taunting me and screaming, "stupid, girl. They'll take one look at you and never believe you could have been 'that sick' because you're so HEALTHY looking now. you look so NORMAL."

why are "healthy" and "normal" such taboo words in the twisted hell that is an eating disorder??

But it's true. I've always had this complex though...because when i was my sickest, I was an extreme bulimic who was on the lower end of my "heatlhy weight range."
So when people looked at me off the street, they just thought I was a thin, normal girl. They didn't see that I was literally walking death who led the most fucked up life ever.

and it BUGGED me!!! It drove me crazy over the years that I never "looked" as sick as I really was.

Now I don't want to be that sick girl anymore, and I've taken many positive steps to not be her anymore, but the old demons are screeching around in my head.
I feel like I have "to prove something" to these strangers known as my extended family who's eyes will automatically shift up and down my body in a judgmental way.

Shut up "sick Heather."
I hate you.

eh. It was just one of those days.

:(

*Locks the doors*

So thanks to my boyfriend, I have a new obsession.

Criminal Minds.

The greatest, most psychological show EVER.

It's about a Behavioral Analysis Unit (or BAU for short. heh.) within the FBI who get these crazy cases that no normal investigator can solve...and then they brilliantly create a profile on the guy and solve it.

It's pretty damn entertaining and I've been watching it non stop on my laptop...

However, it's making me increasingly paranoid.
I know that a twisted violent psychopath is a pretty rare thing in the world, but after watching episode after episode, it seems like EVERYone you meet could be "out to get you."

And just to showcase that my paranoia isn't completely unfounded, I got in my school email today crime bulletins relaying that students have been punched in the face/ had a gun held to them and robbed around campus the past two days and once a couple of weeks ago. All by either African American males in twos and threes or Hispanics.

*LOCKS THE DOORS*

My bed is so safe and warm.... I don't want to get out of it.

Sometimes...I feel so unpretty.

*sigh*

WARNING: This is what happens when you watch too much HGTV...

Well I said in my last post that I wanted to get the sheer fabric panels for curtains over my living room blinds, and I did! Along with some new red couch pillows...
hehe LOOK!

tried to capture the "full view"
One of my new pillows! Her twin lives on the other end of the couch >_<

Pretty curtains...they're a nice dark gold color and look sort of girly and romantic (which is good considering, I'm a girl who loves romance. heh) But they still let in a lot of light.

Well I think my skills are evident. Now all there is left to do is sit back and wait for HGTV to come-a-knockin' and give me my own design show.
:-p

Well, David and Moxie officially took off today. He left for Montana...and from there he'll either go to A.) California B.) Cabo C.) Aruba or D.) stay in Montana.

I swear, I don't even try to keep up with it anymore, because the options can change daily. All I know is that they're gone now and my perfect apartment for one is now feeling like a mansion after sharing it for two months with those two.

I just got done "de-dogging" it. heh.

I vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed, sanitized every surface, de-furred the couch, did loads of laundry and put everything back in its place.

I feel calmer now.
But I miss them...even though they're stinky!

I think I'm going to get sheer floor length panels of fabric to put over my sliding glass blinds in my living room. That was just a random blurb that flashed through my head...so I thought I'd share it with everyone out there in cyber-land. >_<

Happy Birthday to Me.

My ONE YEAR sobriety is in 5 mins!

One year.

One year without drugs or alcohol.

I'm the chameleon. I've transformed myself once again and somehow managed to come back through the other side.

A year ago I was recovering from alcohol poisoning...again.

I was waking up in some strange hospital...again.

I was told I'd been on the ground passed out in front of a bar I didn't know I'd gone into. I remember I was just going to a movie with a "friend" that night.

Then the next thing I know, I'm waking up the next morning at some hospital where I was admitted with a blood alcohol level of a near lethal level. Some movie I saw, eh?

Literally the weekend before that? I also had alcohol poisoning, was raped...woke up in bed with a guy from fucking AA of all places...he was completely sober. I had about four liters of wine pumping through me. Spent three days perpetually blacked out and finally came to in the woods behind my parents house with no shoes on binging and purging.

A month before that? I was in the ICU on life support. Suicide attempt. Massive overdose.

I'm 23. I've been to the darker side of life and back.

I'm now exploring this confounded thing called the light. love. stability. laughter. life.

So far, it's exhilarating on this side. A bit lonely...but I choose this over the waking death I walked in for years.

JOKE TIME!

I'm studying for a chemistry test I have tomorrow...in honor I present:

"Silver walks into a bar and sees Gold sitting there having a drink. He shouts out, "A-u! What are you doing here?"
heheheHARHARHARhohoho

:-/