So I'm going out of town with my family for Thanksgiving...an extended family I don't really know and have seen a handful of times over the years. Yet, they all know about "my history."

They all know that I'm now recovered and doing well, but the sick part of me is throwing a bitch fit! she's taunting me and screaming, "stupid, girl. They'll take one look at you and never believe you could have been 'that sick' because you're so HEALTHY looking now. you look so NORMAL."

why are "healthy" and "normal" such taboo words in the twisted hell that is an eating disorder??

But it's true. I've always had this complex though...because when i was my sickest, I was an extreme bulimic who was on the lower end of my "heatlhy weight range."
So when people looked at me off the street, they just thought I was a thin, normal girl. They didn't see that I was literally walking death who led the most fucked up life ever.

and it BUGGED me!!! It drove me crazy over the years that I never "looked" as sick as I really was.

Now I don't want to be that sick girl anymore, and I've taken many positive steps to not be her anymore, but the old demons are screeching around in my head.
I feel like I have "to prove something" to these strangers known as my extended family who's eyes will automatically shift up and down my body in a judgmental way.

Shut up "sick Heather."
I hate you.