This seems to be my new thing lately...

I just had a nice Skype date with David, my boyfriend, and literally I kept crying every two seconds.

I would cry because I was too happy, because he'd say something so beautifully sweet or would be so ridiculous and have me laughing so hard, and then I would fall in love with him all over again.
Then I'd cry because I was too sad...because he's not here with me. He never is.
And then I'd cry because I'm so scared.

I'm so scared losing him simply because there are many many obstacles ahead for us, and it's going to be more difficult than it is easy.

... I've just had some crazy emotions going on lately.

Ever since I got back from my Montana trip a few weeks ago, things have not been right with me.

I attributed it to major PMS.
But now, that's over with. So, in theory, I should be "normalizing" again... but I'm not at all.

I just don't feel happy at the moment.

I had such an amazing time in Montana with his family, with him, and with the way of life.

I've just been in a state of discontent since I got home...

Texas, and Dallas, just doesn't seem to fit me anymore. Not that it ever really has when I think about it.

I'm just at that place of really discovering myself and once again, it just fucking HURTS not to be with the person I love so much. It's just unbearable to me.

I can get excited about school and my ultimate goals, but I feel weighed down and depressed about work.

And it's weird...things with work seem like they're TOO much for me to handle until I actually get to work. And then once I'm there, I snap out of it and do what I need to do, and I get along with their mother quite fine.

It's when I'm not there and go through periods of not seeing her, that the thought of ever going back looms over me and I want to run away screaming. I'm just getting to a place where I'm running out of patience and the bitter towards her is quickly taking its place.

I just want to be with the person I love.
It doesn't seem like such a demanding thing to want.

But yet it's impossible at the moment. For many valid reasons.
and it pisses me off! it's not fair!

and so I cry.

I'm so tired of crying.