I hate that this issue even continues to be on my mind.

But yet it is... I'm trying to actively "think positive" about my body and about myself instead of succumbing to the gnawing pangs of "not good enough." "If only's" etc.

Last night, in a desperately dark mood and beyond exhausted from school and work, I lay on the couch at 1am watching E's Sexiest Voluptuous Vixens, mesmerized by the electric sex on the screen (Thank you Christmas Story for that Epic Phrase.)

But I just felt so...off.

I appreciated what the show was trying to do in shining a light over the beauty of a natural female form, rather than the FUCKED up standard that is held in the US...Not a starved, skeletal, blank looking girl was on the screen.

But also...I noticed there were hardly any "white girls" on the screen either. Let alone American born girls.
Almost every girl featured was Latin, from Cuba, Brazil, Europe. They all were Brunette, sultry, beautiful...basically they were doing what Americans have done...holding ONE KIND OF BEAUTY standard up for all to meet.

And before I knew it, I was wishing my hair were brown and I looked more exotic.
I was completely ogling and jealous of their round, bountiful breasts.
UGH. TV= BAD.

I'm a weird Hybrid. From the waist up, I look like the American beauty standard...blond hair, light eyes, completely thin (ie. NO BOOBS!)
from the waist down, I'm Latin, I'm from Cuba, I'm CURVY.

I feel mismatched.

So today I'm trying to see the beauty in my own body.
Beauty Standards be damned!